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14/06/2020 5:27 am
A laugh for the day
Tips for Traveling in the South
If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth eating.
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive truck with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help, just stay out of their way -- this is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find boiled peanuts, movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.
Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" -- stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
If you see a turn signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. They are to be positioned directly in front of one's trailer, since it cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember: many Southerners learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
14/06/2020 5:51 am
So DJ ... When were you down here .. you'all should'a look me up
Why I take you down to that back yard and show you ...
Oh wait
You'all don't like them thar gators that much
So ... Yes
That's about the way is down here..
We'un simple folk
Now mind ye .. The weather down here - it is a mite smart
Hotter / Humid as Hades
We drink alot ofSweet ice tea
And lots of ceiling fans
You'un can find my house really easy now ...
I live down younder
Just down the road just a bit
Ya'll gotta turn left after that thar post office
You'll see it
Now you gotta be careful now .. cause the law - he hides out behide that thar billboard sign across from the Piggly Wiggly
If'n you get lost ... just ask anybody walk'un up or down the road
We all know everybody and they'll point ya'in the right directshun
If'n you get here before sunset .. you can help out with the ice cream crank ...
if'n the sunsets on ya ... don't fret over thar being no street lights an all
.. cause them stars way up thar ... why themm thar R the brightest things you'u ever seen
Why them lil things will lit up the sky real nice and purty
you'all be able two find your way here fer ssure
Now when you pull up in the driveway .. look out fer that thar pothole ...
My neighbor .. Slapp Happy Pappy .. why he lost his pick up that thar hole .. oh I reckon bout 2 or 3 days back
But be sure to honk yuur car horn now
so'un we know it's U ...
That way we don't walk out with our dble barrels
My name's Tom Burdette - And we'll leave the front porch light fer ya
14/06/2020 6:26 am
Lol!
14/06/2020 7:00 am
Good one Dennis...but you forgot to mention the yard gators/pets.
14/06/2020 8:54 am
Lmao..Dennis...u r hee stair icle this here mornin.. ! can't wipe the smile offa my face no matter how many catfish whiskers ya'll culd use !
14/06/2020 9:28 am
A few more. Cut the light off. I was 'fixin' to do it. I might could. Tighter than Jack's hatband.
14/06/2020 10:17 am
It's ... "I'm fix'in to do that" ....
14/06/2020 10:21 am
When your helping somebody back up ... "Come on back - just a Tad Moore" ... then
Then as they getting closer ....
" Easy Easy .. Come on Back ... just a Smidgin! "
you see ....
Smidgin is the sister of Tad Moore
Now I hope that this here has helped ya'll out
14/06/2020 10:23 am
Oh ... And where I came from ... Deep in the swamps of Lower Louisiana
14/06/2020 10:24 am
It was called .... "That thar's tighter than Dicks Hat Band - I tell ya" ...'s
But I supposun ,... That Jack's got him a hat band as well ....
So we'll go with that ... if'n ya'll agreee
14/06/2020 10:40 am
Deep 'n them thar swaps of LA ... This is our language
Trust me ...
I lived there
I know
Shoot fire ...
We were always eating
Boiled shrimp ... Jambalaya ... Alligator Boudin
Why that was just for breakfast
But as I got older ... I lost my tongue ... I became civilized
14/06/2020 11:36 am
Wez all b agreein D.
14/06/2020 12:23 pm
Hey hold on thar now. You guyz sayin' I got a swolled up noggin' or what?
14/06/2020 12:48 pm
Ur the only one there to find out whatz all swoll up..lol
14/06/2020 3:44 pm
Just asking...what makes this more appropriate than a Pollock joke? Not sure it is.
George Schire
Oakdale, Minnesota
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