Away With Words.

Away With Words.

I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It's all about raisin awareness.

I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken.

One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.

Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven.

I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes.

I turned to a local tribal leader and said,

"That lizard is really funny!"

He replied, "That's not a lizard He's a stand-up chameleon."

 I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork.

I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.

Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth.

Then it's a soap opera.

 The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can only hummus one.

Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court.

It was a brief case.

How much does a chimney cost?

Nothing, it's on the house.

Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall.

He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler.

My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables.

That's right. Jack and the beans talk.

I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants.

You probably have not heard of herbivore.

I was struggling to understand how lightning works.

And, then it struck me.

Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker.

That's right.

The steaks were pretty high.

I went to the paint store to get thinner. 

It didn't work.