new thoughts!

I’ve just finished reading a book about the world’s greatest basement … It was a best cellar.
 
It’s my first week working at the bicycle factory and they already made me a spokesperson.

Horses have lower divorce rates. It’s because they are in stable relationships.

Photo by Mona Eendra on Unsplash
 
My laptop caught pneumonia, apparently because I left Windows open.
 

I thought swimming with dolphins was expensive until I went swimming with sharks … It cost me an arm and a leg.
 
The main function of your little toe is to make sure all the furniture in the house is in the right place.
 
It’s pretty obvious that if I run in front of a car I will get tired but if I run behind a car I will get exhausted.
 
My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them you just wait.
 
90% of bald people still own a comb; they just can’t part with it.
 
Every morning I get hit by the same bicycle … It’s a vicious cycle.
 
The word incorrectly is spelled incorrectly in every dictionary.
 
I’ve been experimenting with breeding racing deer. People have accused me of just trying to make a fast buck.
 
What do you call a row of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line.
 
When I was a kid, we played spin the bottle with the girls, if they didn’t want to kiss you, they would have to give you a dollar. By the time I was 12, I owned my own home.
 
Always trust a nudist … They have nothing to hide.