An Entirely Gratuitous Circumlocutory Retrospective

@jkuvakas "We proudly unveil a welcoming picture featuring our local chapter president Mr. Barney Google" !!

"And club vice-president representing our Chinatown district...Mr. Sum Dim !!

我们都是傻子

Posted by: @jack-dodds

Posted by: @graeme-ogg

Oh, absolutely. You may not be aware but this is Simian Pride Week and your polite yet robust defence of our modus operandi is most appropriate at this time.

I have nothing against Simians and respect their right to form an annual pride parade down Main Street but I must say that the blatant showing off of the bald areas of their arses and picking nits from one another's hair en route is just "not on" with me.  I say...parade if you must but in the name of all that is decent....please retain your diapers!  Think of the children!

But Jack, I was talking about US! We primordial lounge-dwellers are intellectually well-endowed simians blessed with child-friendly sartorial awareness and discreetly concealed peri-anal alopecia. Our mission in life is to offend nobody (except each other, obviously). So, that's enough nit-picking, if you don't mind.

@graeme-ogg Riveting commentary Graeme; can you expand upon the subject of discreetly concealed peri-anal alopecia?  Request from a friend......

I had my alopecia lanced. It was an outpatient procedure. They gave me jello.

Posted by: @jack-dodds

@graeme-ogg Riveting commentary Graeme; can you expand upon the subject of discreetly concealed peri-anal alopecia?  Request from a friend......

I seem to remember this came up before in relation to the embarrassment experienced by we prosimians when first emerging from the merciful concealement of the jungle foliage on to the cosmetically unforgiving savannah. I believe the prevailing advice was (a) apply a suitably modified toupee or chest wig, (b) invest in an expensive hair transplant from the Sumatra Sinatra Clinic, or (c) stay behind in the trees (since "behind in the trees" is obviously the best form of concealment).

Advise your friend that his problem is not unique and if his friends and colleagues claim to be immune from it, it is a bare-assed lie. For his further reassurance you might point out that the "Jungle Clearing" look is all the rage at the moment, especially in the Simian Pride movement.

"a bare-assed lie", now that's language I understand.  Such language from you Graeme?

@graeme-ogg It must be quite frustrating for you and your lovely spouse to see that the "Jungle Clearing" look is all the rage now; considering all the hair removal pain and expense (wet suits included) the two of you went through to assimilate into the GMT culture.  None of us have a crystal ball when it comes to predicting fashion of course, so I suppose there's no point in getting a hair across your arse about it.  Oh...sorry....that cheeky crack was unintentional; not intended to embareass.

Posted by: @terryslekar

I don’t know…I thought you said Sasquatch…seems the older I get, the confuser I be…

Terry, regarding your auditory confuser issue....you may have been thinking of the Canadian prairie province of "Saskatchewan", which sounds very similar.  Coincidentally and topically though, Forumites will be fascinated to learn that "Saskatchewan" is actually a native Indian word originating several hundred years ago meaning "land of bald ass assimilating monkeys".  Historical research determined that this geographically unlikely simian settlement location was the result of the repeated coupling of two ginger haired monkeys that were the imported pets of Scottish explorer Alexander MacKenzie.  Legend has it that MacKenzie (below) who was also ginger haired, grew tired of the crude comments of his crew regarding this coincidental coloring, resulting in him abandoning the unfortunate chimps on the vast prairie.  The resourceful pair survived the cruel prairie winters  by cloaking their bald posteriors in the fur of the Snowshoe rabbit and huddling in their burrow, which of course led to the rapid growth of their species in the area.  Recent DNA research has linked these simians to identical looking species in Sumatra and more recently in the United Kingdom (below).