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Topic starter
08/03/2021 10:01 pm
HELP !!! need a new joke every day for a local blog. the crazier the better.
09/03/2021 8:20 pm
How about a Parrot Joke?
A woman went to a pet shop where she immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. 'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution so it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'New house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then realized 'that's really not so bad.' When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, 'New house, new madam, new girls.'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the situation, considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, 'Hi Keith'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'New house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then realized 'that's really not so bad.' When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, 'New house, new madam, new girls.'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the situation, considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, 'Hi Keith'
10/03/2021 12:27 am
Good one, real good !
10/03/2021 11:27 am
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10/03/2021 3:50 pm
Guy gets pulled over for speeding on a lonely, back-country road.
Officer: Registration please
Guy: It's in the glove box, I think, but I just stole this cor this morning and I'm not sure
Officer: This is a stolen car?
Guy: Well, yes. I had to get away from the bank we were robbing.
Officer: You robbed a bank??
Guy: Well, we didn't get any money. Boy! That caused a huge argument and I had to shoot my partner.
Officer: You killed a man???
Guy; Yeah, his body is in the trunk.
At this point, the officer realizes he has a career-making arrest on his hands and calls for backup before he makes another move.
Officer: Chief! I have a major criminal in custody and need help making sure we do this by the book. Can you come out?
The chief arrives on the scene and the guy is leaning against his car, cool as a cucumber.
Chief: This officer says you robbed a bank, stole this car, killed a man, and stored his body in the trunk. Open the trunk!
With their guns drawn, the Chief and the officer watch the guy open the trunk only to find it empty.
Guy: That officer of yours is a LIAR, Chief! I bet the next thing he's going to say is that I was speeding too!
John Kuvakas
Warrenton, VA
11/03/2021 11:25 am
Dental Visit
A husband and wife entered the dentist’s office. The wife said: “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible”.
“You’re a brave woman,” said the dentist. “Now, show me which tooth it is.”
The wife turns to her husband and says: “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”
11/03/2021 6:58 pm
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did.
Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
Zeeky Banutski
The People’s Republic of Maryland
Jack Dodds and Jack Dodds reacted
11/03/2021 9:02 pm
@terryslekar This one is quite funny but I really like it for its contemporary gender and cultural sensitivity. 😉
TerrySlekar and TerrySlekar reacted
12/03/2021 2:27 pm
Is this a complement?
While reading a newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was noted for his IQ.
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied, "Why, thank you, dear."
John Kuvakas and John Kuvakas reacted