More Lexophilia or Paraprosdokians:

More Lexophilia or Paraprosdokians:

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. 

1. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.  
2. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.  
3. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!  
4. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.  
5. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.  
6. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.  
7. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.  
8. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.  
9. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.  
10. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.  
11. You're never too old to learn something stupid.  
12. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.  
13. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.  
14. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.  
15. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.  
16. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?  
17. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.