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Topic starter
27/04/2026 9:06 am
I received this e-mail this morning. Please excuse the unusual language.
USA EMPLOYEE NOTICE
Due to the current financial situation caused by the fuel crisis and the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (EVIL).
27/04/2026 9:11 am
David; are you sure this isn't a Canadian notice? Lol.
Topic starter
27/04/2026 9:23 am
@jack-dodds
I might of not realized it was a joke as quickly. Someone took some time to come up with this one.
27/04/2026 9:57 am
It follows a recent statement from Elon Musk, where he described how the GDP is actually formulated: two gov officials stumble upon a pile of dung and one says to the other he will pay him 100 dollars to eat it. The second official takes the deal and consumes the dung. They walk on and encounter another heap of the same and the second official offers the same wager to the first official, who readily accepts. When that heap is consumed they have actually done nothing, created nothing, yet the GDP had increased by 200 GDP, hence the improvement in the lives of all Americans. Slick, eh?
David Green reacted
