A chuckle or two...

 I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.  Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

 

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

 

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

 

♦ A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

 

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and  wondered Y?

 

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

 

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

 

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

 

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters?  Do they just give   you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

 

♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

 

♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.”  If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

 

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

 

♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

 

♦ Money can’t buy happiness but it keeps the kids in touch!

 

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.