Aphorisms

♦     I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you. 

♦     When wearing a bikini women reveal 90% of their bodies.  Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. 

♦     Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y? 

♦     You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's common sense leaving your body. 

♦     My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that! 

♦     I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night. 

♦     Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye. 

♦     You're not fat, you're just easier to see. 

♦     If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. 

♦     I always wondered what the job application form is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?" 

♦     I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penney has an older women’s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor" 

♦     The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient. 

♦     Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch. 

♦     The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married.  Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, & he was a drunk. 

Does all this make you feel better about aphorisms?

"Diapers and politicians should be changed often..., and for the same reason" Mark Twain