Did I miss something? Where is Jack Dodds? Been 2 weeks since his last post.

I knew it had to be something like that! Welcome back Jack!

And so say all of us. Great relief all round. I need hardly say that Mr Dodd’s continued presence in our forums is essential to maintaining the high level of intellectual discourse to which we have become accustomed.

Regrettably, many people in the GMT Zone remain unaware of the sensation he created in his native land some time ago when he officially announced he had attained an IQ rating of 79.5. He followed this up with a groundbreaking article in the Baffin Bay Enquirer entitled “How To Enhance Your Perceived Intelligence Quotient By a Factor of Ten Through the Creative Use of Decimal Floating-Point Arithmetic.” I followed his instructions to the letter and sure enough, my own rating moved into triple digit territory. One can hardly overstate one’s gratitude to someone who so unselfishly shares such life-enhancing advice.

There are of course other ways in which one can strive for improved brainpower. Studies have shown that mental acuity and logical reasoning can be improved by doing crosswords on a regular basis. My lady wife is very keen on the “cryptic” variety, and gave me one to try, but unfortunately I haven’t a clue. Well, actually, I have FOUR clues but they are no help to me at all. See what you make of it. (I would suggest you print it out and keep the copy away from direct sunlight otherwise it might fade before you have got it figured out.)

Highly provocative Graeme, yet somehow intimidating by the sheer enormity of intelligence one is faced with here. Thank goodness Jack is back to, perhaps buffer, some of this incredibly lofty thought process. And that crossword! Not a clue; way beyond anything I could muster up as a solution. 

@ed-davis +1.

@perrone1 Well, yes, as an old buffer he is perfectly suited to the task.

@graeme-ogg 

If anyone is capable of good buffing, it is our boy, Jack. A buffer from way back! 

Graeme; my Canuck heart swells with pride to know that our weekly Baffin Bay Enquirer has reached the GMT zone...either that or perhaps I have an undiagnosed enlarged heart, but I digress. Furthermore that a person of your intellect has a subscription speaks volumes for the depth and quality of reporting by this publication representing our frozen tundra region, led by Chief Editor Nanook Numbutt.  After being shown your wife's crossword puzzle Nanook is currently preparing an Inuit language crossword to be added to the Enquirer, which even you should find challenging.

We look forward to it. Mrs Ogg does have an Inuit grammar and phrasebook to hand (both handsomely bound in sealskin) which might prove useful.

Meanwhile, to prevent further distress, I suppose I should provide the solution to my puzzle.

1 Across - "Ah! That is a "h"!    1 Down - I think therefore I am (and morning is "a.m.")  2 down - "Ha ha ha ha" cut short.  I think you can figure 3 across.

Some folks may have been somewhat disoriented by the fact that there no black squares visible in the puzzle. Nor are there any white geeks, bronzed hippies or zany yellow-skinned Chinamen. A crossword doesn’t HAVE pictures. If it did it would be a rebus.

I hope that clarifies matters.

Not to brag, but I solved that crossword long before Graeme put up the answers...well...most of it anyway...much of it...ok, one... 

Not to grovel, but your exalted status requires us to politely "accept" your claim to have mastered the art of the cryptic crossword (in some small part, at least).

@jkuvakas; I too definitely had Graeme's crossword puzzle figured out....in a way....so to speak.  I must say though that I am a bit disturbed....okay, even more disturbed than normal, regarding the racial overtones expressed (black squares, white geeks, etc.).  Hey...together we're better.  Secondly, I hate to seem awkward but as far as I know a rebus is a retired school bus rebuilt and repurposed for snowbird use.

My apologies, but I was trying to be thoroughly even-handed in my reference to outmoded racial stereotypes. (Jack, you may hate to appear awkward but you appear to have an unusual talent for it. Ah, there I go, flattery again. Just my kindly, forgiving nature.)

Perhaps I should also apologise to those readers who are perhaps just a little lower on the evolutionary scale and who failed to crack the crossword clues. It was a particularly hard specimen and, as with all endeavours involving the higher brain centres, it is probably best to start out at a more basic level and progress from there.

@graeme-ogg Graeme;  Just a friendly warning from Nanook that Frau Ogg ought to be mindful of not showing off her seal skin bound Inuit grammar and phrasebook; she may get spray painted red by Greenpeace activists.  Nanook was recently set upon by the same bunch simply for smoking a chunk of whale tail he had prepared using the legendary Kuvakas rub, the aroma of which had wafted through the neighborhood and attracted unwanted attention.  Details of the incident and a shout out to JK for donating the secret rub will be featured in next weeks Baffin Bay Enquirer Cooking Section.

@graeme-ogg Good call on the checkers suggestion Graeme although, at the risk of seeming awkward, to be historically correct I do believe that the original checkers pieces were square.

Only the black ones.