Just Pondering.

Just Pondering.

As I’ve  grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

Common  sense is like deodorant.  The people who need it the most never use  it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity  built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.

It’s not my age that bothers me, it’s the side effects.

I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on garbage day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of, it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

As I’ve  gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy.  The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

I  haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct  response.

Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a dumbass

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person.  The truth is, once you get old you stop being polite and start being honest.