Oh so fitting...
 
Notifications
Clear all

Oh so fitting...

8 Posts
7 Users
22 Likes
467 Views
John Bono
(@sizedoesmatter)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 27 years ago
Posts: 4468
Topic starter  

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember  ..

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.   'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'   'Sure.'   'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.   'No, I can remember it.'   'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'  He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'   'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.   Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'   Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

 

'Where's my toast?'   An elderly couple    had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.   

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, '   Last night   we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.'   

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'  

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'   

'Do you mean a rose?'   

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'   Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.   

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.   

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.   'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

 

A senior citizen   said to his eighty-year-old buddy:   'So I hear you're getting married?'   'Yep!'   'Do I know her?'   'Nope!'   'This woman, is she good looking?'   'Not really.'   'Is she a good cook?'   'Nah, she can't cook too well.'   'Does she have lots of money?'   'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'   'Well, then, is she good in bed?'   'I don't know.'

’Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

'Because she can still drive!'  A man    was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'   'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.'   Moe, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.   A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'   Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''   The doctor said, 'I didn't say that... I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'   One more........

A little old man   shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.   The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'   'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

 

  

 

 

John Bono
North Jersey


   
Jeff G, John Napoli, David Green and 5 people reacted
Quote
100Ford2003
(@100ford2003)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 4922
 

Dayum, some of those, err, most of those, sound like they could be me !


   
John Bono and john barry reacted
ReplyQuote
Bob Jackman
(@bob-jackman)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 27 years ago
Posts: 8328
 

Since most of these can be appreciated by members of this forum, it says something about the average age of we collectors.


   
ReplyQuote
David Green
(@david-green)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 7983
 

Great series of senior jokes John. Many, unfortunately, too close to the truth.


   
ReplyQuote
Paul Rouffa
(@paul-rouffa)
Noble Member
Joined: 27 years ago
Posts: 751
 

A man and wife, 98 and 95 years old respectively, appear before a judge to get a divorce. The judge is distraught and asks, "Why are you getting a divorce at this late date?" The wife replies, "We wanted to wait until the children are dead".


   
ReplyQuote
John Napoli
(@carsman1958)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 2445
 

All very good ones.  Made me laugh and that is what you need at old age!


   
ReplyQuote
Bob Jackman
(@bob-jackman)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 27 years ago
Posts: 8328
 

@paul-rouffa Very funny.


   
John Bono reacted
ReplyQuote
Geoff Jowett
(@geoff-jowett)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 3620
 

excellent, thank you John


   
ReplyQuote
Share: