thoughts

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

I went to McDonald's today and ate a Kid's Meal. It was good, but his mom was furious...

What's the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care.

My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it but nobody saw it.

I entered ten puns into a competition to see if one would win. No Pun In Ten Did.

What do you call a belt made out of hundred-dollar bills? A waist of money.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

The invention of the shovel was a groundbreaking discovery, but the invention of the broom was the one that truly swept the nation.

A friend said she didn't understand cloning. I told her that makes two of us.

I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help. But I stand corrected.

I accidentally passed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She's still not talking to me.

What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married? Cantelope.

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye. I always thought she was seeing someone on the side.