Something to make your hair stand on end (or maybe not)
PHALACROPHOBIA
Phalacrophobia is an irrational and morbid fear of going bald, sometimes causing extreme social anxiety and panic attacks and a constant dread of being pitied or ridiculed for one's lack of top cover.
This fear can become overwhelming even if there is no immediate physical evidence that there is any immediate threat. For example, this man appears to be blessed with remarkable follicular vigour
but after several instances of finding two or three stray hairs on his pillow in the morning he is now consumed by the terrifying belief that he will shortly fall victim to cranial nudity. He has recurring nightmares about bright sunlight being reflected from a shiny bald spot on his scalp into the eyes of innocent children nearby, causing permanent blindness.
The desire to continue to be seen as a “person of hair” is very strong. The combover is a seductively appealing route to maintaining that illusion, and can take many ingenious forms
even if the results are not always entirely convincing to the critical observer.
Alas, even Tarzan, the hirsute hero of our childhood treetop fantasies, was not immune to the crippling effects on morale caused by inadequacies in the follicle department. Although well endowed with hair in childhood
puberty revealed that he had inherited from his simian cousins a genetic predisposition to early onset peri-anal alopecia (Dodd’s Syndrome), which progressively spread around his body.
Attempts to obtain professional advice on combover techniques came to nothing.
In order to maintain appearances and to retain the respect of his fellow jungle dwellers, he was obliged to resort to a hairpiece, a chest wig and a groin toupee. But even that was not enough. His effortless brachiation through the forest canopy revealed an embarrassing lack of underarm foliage, so although by nature he was a 24/7 social animal, he eventually felt compelled to restrict his swinging activities to the hours of darkness.
I am sure many of you will empathise with the plight of those who suffer from the crippling emotional effects of phalacrophobia, and may have similar hair-raising tales to tell, although for obvious reasons you may not feel inclined to reveal the bald truth.
p.s. In all modesty I feel this piece can quite effortlessly qualify for a “Most Pointless Post of the Month” award. However, at the moment I do not feel my financial resources will run to the upkeep of another horse-drawn Trabant. So if the Awards Committee could simply give me a simple Certificate of Achievement and perhaps a 3 month supply of Rogaine, that would be quite acceptable. Thank you.
Wow, that's a hair raising subject! I had no idea there was such a thing as Phalacrophobia. Being bald can make a lot of things easier for a guy, no worries about shampooing, hair drying, styling, etc.
And while I still have all the hair I did in my youth, it turned a totally different color - from solid black to silver! I sometimes catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and wonder who that is! LOL!
Thank you for this riveting, almost hair raising information Graeme; your frequent presentations are...well....consistent. I am particularly concerned though to find my surname (save for an apostrophe) synonymous with early onset peri-anal alopecia....but I digress. I have consulted The Think Tanked Blue Ribbon Panel and we have found that although informative, the topic may be threatening to certain chrome domed committee members so your requested certificate/Rogaine suggestion did not get approval. An alternative that received solid support though was the gift of a very rare 1:8 scale Willie Nelson chia pet, complete with one year supply of chia seed. Congratulations Graeme!
I reluctantly but stoically acknowledge the reasons for denying me an award on this occasion. I can live with that, but please . . . just don't turn your back on me. People thinning on top I can cope with, but . . .
@graeme-ogg No worries Graeme.... after vigorous debate and screening process your application seeking membership in our secret Forumite based organization has finally been approved; you have been heartily accepted. We do apologize for the delay but your penchant for shooting passing Christmas carolers from your front porch was a cause for concern. We feel confident that our offer of secret relocation and name change (to Graham Notogg) should remedy the arrest warrant situation issued by your overzealous police.
This post was modified 2 years ago 2 times by Jack Dodds
@graeme-ogg No worries Graeme.... after vigorous debate and screening process your application seeking membership in our secret Forumite based organization has finally been approved; you have been heartily accepted. We do apologize for the delay but your penchant for shooting passing Christmas carolers from your front porch was a cause for concern. We feel confident that our offer of secret relocation and name change (to Graham Notogg) should remedy the arrest warrant situation issued by your overzealous police.
Finally!! Hearty Congratulations Graeme, er, ah, Graham.......I think!
@perrone1 It is an emotional celebration for Graham Notogg and indeed for us all here at Think Tanked as we welcome our new "brother" from the GMT zone.
I am tearfully grateful for the vote of confidence. I do of course appreciate the need for absolute secrecy and am concerned that some persistent snooper with experience of advanced codebreaking techniques might well figure out who is hiding behind "Graham Notogg". So as a precaution I have therefore decided to use the codename "Green Witch". Not perfect, but it'll do in the meantime
I am tearfully grateful for the vote of confidence. I do of course appreciate the need for absolute secrecy and am concerned that some persistent snooper with experience of advanced codebreaking techniques might well figure out who is hiding behind "Graham Notogg". So as a precaution I have therefore decided to use the codename "Green Witch". Not perfect, but it'll do in the meantime
My avatar will be updated in due course.
Inspired choice of avatar. Keep in mind though, you will be forever placed on Greenwich Time!!
