Alternate Meanings.

The Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. 

And the winners are:     

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.  
 
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.  
 
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 
 
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.  
 
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 
 
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp. 
 
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavoured mouthwash. 
 
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 
 
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline. 
 
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.  
 
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.  
 
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.  
 
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.