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Topic starter
08/12/2025 9:56 pm
Catholic Horses.
A bookie was at the races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt.
He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of
one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a long shot - won the race.
Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track.
Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.
The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet
on the horse.
Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race.
He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the
Priest would bless next.
He bet big on it, and it won.
As the races continued the Priest kept blessing horses, and each one
ended up winning.
The bookie was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all
his savings, and awaited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him
which horse to bet on ...
True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last
race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was 100/1.
This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.
The bookie knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.
He watched dumbfounded as the old nag pulled up and couldn't even
finish the race.
In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was.
Confronting him, he demanded, 'Father! What happened?
All day long you blessed horses and they all won.
Then in the last race, the horse you blessed never even had a chance.
Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings!'.
The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.
"You are not Catholic are you my son?"
"No, I'm Jewish"
"That's the problem", said the Priest,
"you couldn't tell the difference between a blessing and last rites".
08/12/2025 10:02 pm
Amen.
John Bono
North Jersey
09/12/2025 6:58 am
HA! Havent heard that one in a long, long time and forgot it. Love it; thanks David!
09/12/2025 9:20 am
@geoff-jowett +1. When the bookie got home, I'm guessing the second nag finished him off.
10/12/2025 3:13 am
@geoff-jowett +1. When the bookie got home, I'm guessing the second nag finished him off.
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens–the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.
The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me–it’s this bloody horse. What is he–deaf or something?”
The trainer replies, “Deaf?? DEAF?? He’s not deaf–he’s BLIND!”
Tony Perrone and David Green reacted