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05/02/2026 6:06 pm
Ann Landers
“At every party there are two kinds
of people those who want to go home
and those who don’t. The trouble is,
they are usually married to each other.”
Ashleigh Brilliant
“My opinions may have changed,
but not the fact that I’m right.
Benny Hill
“Have you noticed that all the people in
favour of birth control are already born?”
Buddy Hackett
“As a child my family’s menu
consisted of two choices:
take it or leave it.”
Caroline Rhea
“My favourite machine at the gym
is the vending machine.”
Casey Stengel
“All right everyone,
line up alphabetically
according to your height.”
Dave Barry
“Never under any circumstances
take a sleeping pill and
a laxative on the same night.”
Edward Abbey
“The duty of a patriot is to protect
his country from its government.”
Emo Philips
“How many people here have
telekinetic powers?
Raise my hand.”
George Burns
“If you live to be one hundred,
you’ve got it made.
Very few people die past that age.”
05/02/2026 6:58 pm
Very good. Love them.
Ed Davis
Inverness, Illinois, USA
05/02/2026 7:50 pm
“When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.'”— Yogi Berra
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." — Flip Wilson
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
05/02/2026 10:58 pm
All good, my favorite:
Dave Barry
“Never under any circumstances
take a sleeping pill and
a laxative on the same night.”
John Bono
North Jersey
05/02/2026 10:59 pm
@geno All good. My favorite: "Behind every great woman is a man checking out her butt" - Unknown author
John Bono
North Jersey
06/02/2026 2:14 am
they are all so good, this is terrific:
Casey Stengel
“All right everyone,
line up alphabetically
according to your height.
06/02/2026 8:40 am
All good, my favorite:
Dave Barry
“Never under any circumstances
take a sleeping pill and
a laxative on the same night.”
LOL, you'd have that "Get up and Go feeling".
George Schire
Oakdale, Minnesota
David Green and Geno reacted
06/02/2026 8:47 am
Sound words of wisdom, all of them.
George Schire
Oakdale, Minnesota
David Green and Geno reacted
06/02/2026 2:17 pm
George Burns sure had some dandies over the years! It was only fitting that he lived as long as he did.
06/02/2026 6:48 pm
06/02/2026 7:11 pm
Yogi Berra: "Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded".
Retired in Dunedin, Florida.
07/02/2026 9:27 am
Caroline Rhea
“My favorite machine at the gym
is the vending machine.”
Reminds me of a joke...a new member of the Gym asks which machine will attract the ladies, "The ATM of course."
John Bono
North Jersey
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"Behind every great woman is a man checking out her butt" - Unknown author