Some Smiles For You.

How do you make holy water?  You take some regular water and boil the hell out of it.

Will glass coffins be a success?  Remains to be seen.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?  One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?  There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?  A maybe.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage  I lost my case.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

She had a photographic memory but never developed it.

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?  I don't know and don't really care. 

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?  Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”