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Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters.

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Geoff Jowett

(@geoff-jowett)

Illustrious Member

Joined: 5 years ago

Posts: 6816

Topic starter 08/11/2024 2:58 am

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

-----------------

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'
The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things
not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.

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Don't let worry kill you off

- let the Church help.

-----------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again', giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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At the evening service tonight the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

-----------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'

michaeldetorrice, Steve Jacobs, John Bono and 7 people reacted

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Jack Dodds

(@jack-dodds)

Illustrious Member

Joined: 5 years ago

Posts: 20738

08/11/2024 4:16 am

LOL.....hilarious!

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Tony Perrone

(@perrone1)

Admin

Joined: 5 years ago

Posts: 18206

08/11/2024 7:25 am

These are all excellent - great laughs. Such well-intentioned writers who are in desperate need of proofreaders and don't know it.

michaeldetorrice, Steve Jacobs, Geoff Jowett and 4 people reacted

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Charles Rockett

(@charles-rockett)

Illustrious Member

Joined: 5 years ago

Posts: 2381

08/11/2024 7:33 am

Oh - to be so innocent !

A few days ago, a commentator, talking about Trump and lobby groups described them as being 'very well endowed' and a split second later - without expression - added 'financially'!

michaeldetorrice, Steve Jacobs, Geoff Jowett and 5 people reacted

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John Kuvakas

(@jkuvakas)

Illustrious Member Admin

Joined: 5 years ago

Posts: 9534

08/11/2024 8:38 am

Excellent!

John Kuvakas
Warrenton, VA

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Bob Jackman

(@bob-jackman)

Illustrious Member

Joined: 29 years ago

Posts: 14763

08/11/2024 11:40 am

@perrone1 Agreed.

michaeldetorrice, John Kuvakas, Geoff Jowett and 2 people reacted

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David Green

(@david-green)

Illustrious Member

Joined: 5 years ago

Posts: 9597

08/11/2024 3:52 pm

Religion and spelling and correct grammar, do not always match well. Thanks Geoff for the unintentional fun.

Charles Rockett, michaeldetorrice, Steve Jacobs and 4 people reacted

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John Napoli

(@carsman1958)

Illustrious Member

Joined: 5 years ago

Posts: 3895

08/11/2024 4:15 pm

Brought a smile to my face on this Friday afternoon. Thanks Geoff, they were all good ones.

Charles Rockett, michaeldetorrice, Steve Jacobs and 3 people reacted

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Paul Rouffa

(@paul-rouffa)

Famed Member

Joined: 29 years ago

Posts: 1134

08/11/2024 6:38 pm

Actual sign in a church I was attending at the time:

Agnostic AA meeting every Thursday at 8pm

Of this we are certain.

Geoff Jowett, Charles Rockett, michaeldetorrice and 5 people reacted

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John Bono

(@sizedoesmatter)

Illustrious Member

Joined: 29 years ago

Posts: 9244

08/11/2024 11:23 pm

Good ones!

John Bono
North Jersey

Geoff Jowett, michaeldetorrice, John Kuvakas and 1 people reacted

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Steve Jacobs

(@100ford2003)

Illustrious Member

Joined: 5 years ago

Posts: 7537

09/11/2024 2:14 pm

Seen at a church in San Diego area..

"If Your Life Stinks Right Now, Come In This Sunday. We Have A Pew For You".

Geoff Jowett, Charles Rockett, michaeldetorrice and 2 people reacted

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michaeldetorrice

(@michaeldetorrice)

Illustrious Member

Joined: 1 year ago

Posts: 1989

09/11/2024 3:51 pm

Lol ! LoL Wink

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