Euphemisms

Euphemisms

19 Irishmen go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"  Buddy replies, "The film said 18 or over."

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70.  Forget it, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday.  A little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 a m.  Can you believe that?  2:30 a m?  Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

My wife was counting all the nickels and dimes out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.                                I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

A teddy bear is working on a building site.  He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen.  The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.  Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

An Asian fellow has moved in next door.  He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.