Wisdom for the Ages

Wisdom for the Ages

I’ve just finished reading a book about the world’s greatest basement. It was a best cellar. 

It’s my first week working at the bicycle factory and they already made me a spokesperson.

My laptop caught pneumonia, apparently, because I left Windows open.

I thought swimming with Dolphins was expensive until I went swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg.

The main function of your big toe is to make sure all the furniture in the house is in the right place.

It’s pretty obvious that if I run in front of a car, I will get tired but if I run behind a car I will get exhausted.

My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.  I told them you just wait.

90% of bald people still own a comb; they just can’t part with it.

Every morning I get hit by the same bicycle. It’s a vicious cycle.

The word “incorrectly” is spelled incorrectly in every dictionary.

I’ve been experimenting with breeding racing deer. People have accused me of trying to make a fast buck!

The other day I yelled into a colander and I strained my voice.

I went to a fish restaurant last night and ordered the Octopus.  The waiter told me it takes 4 hours to cook. ”Why?” I asked. And he said, "It’s because it keeps turning the gas off.”

What do you call a row of rabbits hopping backwards?  A receding hare line.

When I was a kid, we played spin the bottle with the girls.  If they didn’t want to kiss you, they would have you give you a dollar.  By the time I was 12, I owned my own home.

Always trust a nudist, they have nothing to hide.